just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
