This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
