If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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