I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
