Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
