ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
