you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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