DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So many bounce houses so little time
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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