Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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