mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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