he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
