3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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