Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
