If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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