you win again, gameday.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I AM VODKA MAN
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
