I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
