I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
