you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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