I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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