yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize