New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
