I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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