i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
