yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ruined the universe
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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