I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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