i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
