Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
