I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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