some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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