I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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