last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
