bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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