Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
