It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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