i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize