I showed him my bush... on skype.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
