I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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