do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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