Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
