Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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