I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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