She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
