I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
