I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
