There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize