Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
