i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
