its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
