DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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