Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize