Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
