so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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