Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
