he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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