i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
babies were throwing up all over the place
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
