I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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