look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
