I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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