I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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