the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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