Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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