remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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