i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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