If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
