Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
