i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize