youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
