i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
