I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
