he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
