So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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