What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Four minutes until I can fart!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
