Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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