Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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